I Am Not Perfect, I'm Human...

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"

Romans 3:23

We all face challenges in life.  Whether it is financial, issues in our marriage, family life, or something else.  God is always allowing our faith to be tested.

However, when faced with such trials sometimes we become stubborn.  We think we can fix our problems and we refuse to lay them down and allow God to move.

This is my confession.  For it says in James 5:16:

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so that you may be healed.  The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much."

If you know/knew me, you would know that I have what I call "a double dose of stubbornness" inside me.  I was raised to be very independent and I can be strong-willed.

Growing up, I faced many challenges in my life and because of the various trials, looking back, I was built to endure. (James 1:2-3)

I didn't always know God, but for some reason, early on, I always knew He placed a calling on my life.  However,  that never stopped me from the choices I made.  If I made up my mind on something, it was a rare day someone could change it.  

For years I felt and knew God had been trying to get my attention. For years I kept doing things my own way.  (Just an FYI:  had I listened, it probably would saved a lot of anguish and pain). By doing so, it caused me to shut down, close the world out, and I lost myself in the process.

" The day you stop seeing your future,  you've already stopped living. "

T.D. Jakes, Something Is About To Happen

  

I lived like this for many years unknowingly.  However, God didn't forget about me.  Slowly He was waking me up inside. Still, I was stubborn and it wasn't enough to get my attention.  That was, of course, until this year.

See, by now I had endured so much heartache, betrayal and pain that God had to allow something drastic to bring me to my knees.  Not because He needed some entertainment, but because He had work that needed to be done.  Work that I was failing to do!  

So, at the beginning of this year everything that could be flipped upside down in my life was.  Needless to say, it got my attention!  I was either going to have a nervous breakdown or finally lay it down and allow God to take control.  Can you guess which road I chose?

You got it!  I gave it to God and started praising Him through my storm! At that moment I finally found peace, but I also knew I was not about to stand still.  God had work to do and He wasn't about to stand still now.  There were no baby steps .  He began to move me leaps and bounds.  I know you are probably wondering if I fought back... Of course I did!  Including on this blog... Not because I was trying to be difficult, but I didn't feel worthy and questioned who would listen to me?  I only just found my way back and He was asking me to talk to people already standing in the pulpit.  Nonetheless, I did what was asked and surprisingly people were responding.

This blog wasn't just a tool for me to teach you what I had and was learning along the way.  It was also a tool I could look back on if I ever lost my way and sadly I did.  

It took me longer than normal to write a blog because I felt like a hypocrite.  Here I am writing and telling everyone to praise God through their storms and I failed to do the same.  

I lost sight this past month and took my eyes off the Lord.  I allowed bitterness and anger to reenter my heart.  I didn't seek and trust God like I should have and now I am back to ground zero.  So, today, not only do I ask for forgiveness from the Lord, but from you as well.

I have no excuses, nor do I intend to give any.  I am a truthful person and I try my best to live that way, including when it comes to my own personal issues.  This is how we all should live.

"You are not defined by your past, you are prepared by your past."

T.D. Jakes, Something Is About To Happen

I use to think my past defined me because I was raised to care what people thought.  That thought process has long changed.  Less and less it doesn't matter what people think anymore because the motto I've followed for a long time now is people already have their minds made up about you based on what they've heard about you.  (Many people never truly get to know you once they have listened to other people's perspective of you).  Now I believe, my past has made me stronger and with every lesson I learned, it had made me wiser.

I still have a long way to go.  Like others, I have deep skeletons on my closet.  I am still impatient and I am still a prideful person with many other faults.

I don't have all the answers and neither do any of the leaders  in fellowship.  We only have the answers God reveals to us.  We are not perfect, we are human and all I ask is that you try to keep that in mind.

"A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances.  The real mistake is to stop trying."

B.F. Skinner

On a side note:

Below I posted a video by Sidewalk Prophets called Save My Life.  I've noticed going through the blogs that the videos haven't been showing up on my mobile device, so please take the time to look it up on YouTube.  This song has really blessed me as I hope it does you.  Until next time...

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